STORY OF THE DAY.

So I was just chatting with Brad (Pitt) and we were sitting around waiting for George (Clooney) to arrive. The doorbell rang.

*DingDong!*

Somehow I wasn’t compelled to open the door because I was enjoying some food with the company of Brad.

The doorbell rang again.

*DingDong!*

And again.

*DingDong!*

I woke up. Ah, dammit it was all just a dream.

*DingDong*

Oh crap. The doorbell is real. But what do I do? I *JUST* woke up. And my hair isn’t in a very pleasant state and my eyes are-

*DingDong!*

(stop pressing the bell, dammit) still half closed!

Argh, should I just pretend that no one’s home (like I always do, haha)? I looked through the peep-hole thingum and all I saw was a white file.

WHAT THE HELL. I GAVE UP MY MEETING WITH GEORGE CLOONEY TO SEE A WHITE FILE?!?!?!?!

*DingDong!*

Walaueh. Okay so I opened the door.

And outside was a little guy, no not a kid, a man, but a pretty short one.

‘Hi I’m from the environment -smth smth- -shows his pass to me- (I’m abit deaf when I just wake up). There has been a case of dengue here (in the estate) and we need to– *peers into the house and presumably he saw the picture of the Kaa’bah door and the Turkish Allah-Muhammad plates hung up on the wall*

‘Oh Melayu eh?’

‘Uhh, yeah.’

‘Oh, saya dari environment smth smth– *shows the damn pass again*’

‘YE Saya tau.’

DUDE! Just because I say I’m Malay doesn’t mean I don’t understand English right!

‘Kita mesti masuk check kalau ada tempat air bertakung ke..’ (We need to check if there’s any stagnant water)

WAIT A MINUTE.

I just woke up and I’m supposed to let this dude into the house?

‘Uhh, its okay, I’ll pass.’ (HAHA pandai-pandai only)

He seemed hurt when I didn’t want to let him in. After all he was just doing his job, and I was just being a prick about it.

AND THEN THE NEXT THING HE SAID WAS THE ULTIMATE.

‘Uhh majikannya ada?‘ (Is your employer in?)

WHAT THE F$%^&##$%^&*(^%^$&%^&(*&^*%^UHRGHRTYJTRETYU&%^&*&^%&$#%TDSHTFRDSRWETYURTYUI^&*U%^&%$^*^%*&%^&*^%&$%&^%*^%&%^&%&^*%^U$THRU%^&*^%&$&%^&$%^^%&^*

OKAY DUDE.

FIRSTLY I CHOSE YOU OVER GEORGE CLOONEY.

THEN I LET YOU THINK I’M CHINESE, but thats ok, many people think I’m chinese anyway. The absence of the tudung enhances the Cina-ness, really. And I actually like it when people think I’m chinese. Haha.

THEN YOU THINK THAT JUST BECAUSE I’M MALAY I DON’T UNDERSTAND ENGLISH.

THEN YOU THINK THAT I’M A MAID!

WALAOEH!

I wasn’t in a mood to tell him that I wasn’t the maid. So whatever.

I said (in Malay) ‘No they’re not home.’ (really what my parents at work)

Then he said (in Malay) ‘Okay I’ll ask my female colleague to check, is that ok?’

ARGH. Cannot don’t check ah????

‘Uhh, yeah, ok’

Then the female colleague came out of my neighbour’s unit and marched into mine.

I smiled, she smiled, and I attempted to ruffle up my hair so it doesn’t look like I’ve just slept on it.

‘Kamu harus ikut saya, ya, saya check di dapur dulu..‘ *IN ATTEMPTED INDONESIAN ACCENT*

WAH LAO EH SECOND TIME !#%^&*&^*^%*&(*^*)(^&*&^*%&$^RHFGKHUGYIIY(&*)(&*^%YU<KJ>LYU^%Y^%UERGERYR^YURTYTIKJTYRHRTJRTHDFHRTHDRHETHGERSGSRGHREHG

ARGH. What is it?! Is it my face? Or my comfortable night dresses that I wear at home? WHAT?

WHAT? TELL ME!!!!!!!!!!

I pasrah already. I’m not going to speak Malay to her anymore.

“Uhh, do you need to check the toilets?”

“Oh yes.”

“There’s another toilet in the Master bedroom, do you want to check that?”

“Yup, tapi tak de orang tidur kan? Saya taknak ganggu” (Yup but there’s no one asleep right, I don’t want to disturb) This time in Singaporean Malay THANK GOD.

“Oh NO, my PARENTS are at work and I just woke up, so the only one who WAS sleeping was me.” (Purposedly emphasised at those words)

“Oh, sorry to disturb”

“Its okay.”

She leaves and I shut and bolt the door.

I went back into my room, switched on my laptop and started typing.